Anger is an emotion that many people struggle with. I know I do. As a child, I was taught that “good girls don’t get angry” but boy was I firey! I felt ashamed for feeling angry. This shame led to me pushing my anger deep down so that it was hidden. The problem with pushing anger down is that you can only fill up so much before you explode (or implode).
Essentially, I grew to have a really long “fuse.” Things rolled off me like I was made out of teflon, but eventually I would explode and usually over something insignificant. I was too full of anger that it had to come out. It was embarrassing. I felt like a child, desperate to express, but I didn’t know how. I had to learn to honor my anger.
Anger is not bad and I don’t believe it needs managed. I believe anger has been misunderstood. It’s the proverbial red headed step child of emotions (and I’m a redhead). Anger gets a bad rep, but only because we’ve clung to the idea that it’s wrong. This causes us to hold it in and then lash out. Anger is necessary. Anger is normal and natural. It’s ok to feel angry. Just like other emotions, anger comes with a message. Learn to honor it. Below, I break down how to honor anger (and any emotion), without pushing it deep within.
- Acknowledge IN the moment
You can’t cope with an emotion if you don’t know you’re feeling it. Instead of feeling like you go from 0-100 in a second, become acquainted with your emotions. How does your body feel when you’re angry? Maybe you hold your breath, maybe you get hot or tense, maybe you make fists or feel rushed. Maybe you start by noticing you’re impatient or simple that something feels different. The emotion may start subtle, but that’s the point. Notice the subtleties before they grow. They will grow without awareness. If you add awareness, they may not have a need to grow because you can go to the next step.
In and out. Once, twice, three times. Deep inhale, and SLOW, intentional exhale. This will calm your body down (sending the message to your brain that you can relax a little and think rationally, instead of based on the anger).
Consciously consider what led to this moment. Often, anger can be a reflection of an even deeper emotion, such as fear. Question the anger. You may not come up with an answer but the act of thinking pulls you out of the intensity of the emotion.
Honor your emotion. If you need to take a time out, take a time out. If I’m becoming irritable, my husband will actually say to me “did you meditate today?” The answer is most likely no. I meditate because it helps me. You may need a walk around the block, take a hot bath, listen to calming music, talk it out, journal. Whatever works for you. The key with anger is to listen to it’s message, honor it, then move on. You need to do the first two before you can move on. I am writing this blog with light and love. Take what works for you and leave the rest. May you awaken to your Self, connect with your inner light, and integrate consciousness. May you feel peace. May you trust your Self. Blessings.